I'm on the road sitting in a hotel room, reflecting on where I am at with my weight loss journey. The sad truth is that I am about where I am at where I started, if not a little worse, more than three years ago. True, that wasn't truly the start of my journey but it was the start of blogging about it and at first it really seemed to help. In fact just a month later I would write a post called 4 Reasons You Should Be Writing a Weight Loss Blog, and I meant every word of it. I just spent some time reviewing my posts from that first November three years ago and it was a little startling to remember how much weight I had lost by then, just a few months into it.

I suspect a lot of you (or really, the few of you still left out there reading this) are saying "Hey John, how about you get away from the computer and go for a run?" and you would be right. But my great fear is that if I don't continue to be public about my struggles (or success) that I'll go off the path and not get back on. And least by writing here there is an easy path to trying again, and again and again. But maybe I should consider it. Heck, if I could afford it I would seriously consider taking a year off from work and just doing nothing but exercise.

But that's just a cop out, an excuse that it has to be so difficult that I would have to quit my job. The truth of the matter is that I could easily find a couple of hours a day to exercise even while working and if I did that I am confident I would lose weight. So why can't I just do that?

It has been a long time where I have even been able to string a couple of great days together. I'm going to try this week. Come Sunday I am going to weigh myself and post a weekly summary like I used to. Maybe that will be the start of a change.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Three Years of Going Nowhere

After getting up the gumption to post my update yesterday I knew today was going to be an important day. Could I stick with the plan and remember that I am supposed to be on a diet? Or was I going to fall right back into the bad habits that have caused my weight to balloon back up over the last year?

Well I'm here to report that it's almost bed time and I had a good day. I almost got off to a bad start when I decided I was going to eat leftover pizza for breakfast. We had 3 slices of Margarhita pizza left over from the night before when we went out celebrating my daughter's Volleyball championship with her team and they were sitting in the fridge literally calling out to me. Who can avoid the siren song of cold leftover pizza for breakfast? I know it's hard for me but today I did it. I had a single piece of leftover pizza (leaving two in the takehome box, very rare for me to leave leftovers like that), an avocado and a small glass of V8. I didn't try to add up the calories but overall I call that a good start to the day.

For lunch I bought a couple of deli sandwiches for me and someone I was meeting with over lunch, I had a roast beef sandwich that was pretty small and plain, a few potato chips and an apple. Very modest lunch. I had a protein bar in the afternoon for a snack.

I'm staying in a hotel tonight for business and instead of having dinner at a restaurent I stopped in at a grocery store and bought some lettuce, turkey, cheese and avocado and made a couple of lettuce wraps for dinner. Also had a pint of assorted fruits. Just water to drink.

Overall feel pretty good about my eating.

The really cool thing about today is that I packed my exercise clothes knowing there is a gym at the hotel. I packed clothes assuming I would get a workout in tonight and tomorrow morning. Any of you who have done this yourself knows it is a hell of a lot easier to pack your exercise clothes than to actually get into them once you are settled into the hotel but get into them I did as I put in a little cardio tonight before dinner. True it was just a little, 15 minutes on the treadmill and 5 minutes on this bike thing, but trust me just the act of getting out of the hotel room and down to their gym is a huge victory for me and I'll take full credit for it. My goal for tomorrow morning is to get 30 minutes in.

So a good start to the week. Need to keep thinking about this and writing about it, and perhaps I can string a few days and then weeks together.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Good Start to the Week

As is no doubt obvious by my lack of posts and my weight loss chart that continues to go up instead of down, I've been in a weight loss rut. Nay, a virtual crater. The Grand Canyon you could say.

I've realized this months ago and have struggled with finding the motivation needed to get going again. Here's how bad it is – I somehow managed to convince myself that what I needed was a redesign of my website to get me kickstarted. And I've proceeded down the path of making that happen. I'm looking forward to a new look around here and think it may well be what I need to start really posting again, but once I realized I was delaying starting my diet and exercise program until my website redesign was done – well, that was too much.

I may have got the kick in the pants I needed last week when my wife weighed in after her first week of a weight loss challenge at work. She's coming up on the big Four-O and is looking to get more healthy herself. After one week she lost 4 pounds! I don't think I had but one or two weeks that good when I was really into it.

Suddenly there is a little competition in the house.

So this morning I put 30 minutes in on the treadmill before work, the first time in many months, and I ate pretty well all day. And drank a lot of water. Protein bar and a glass of V8 for breakfast, egg salad wrap with a side salad for lunch, a Bologna and cheese sandwich for dinner and an apple for a snack.

OK, not the best day in terms of quality but trust me it beats multiple stops at McDonalds, which is something I have fallen into the habit of. Dinner would have been better but it was straight from work to soccer practice and I only had time to grab something quick.

Soccer practice? Yep, I am coaching my son's soccer team again this year. Another thing I did well today was I purposely got more involved in the action by participating in the drills where it was appropriate. I have a 1v1 drill in a 6 yard square box that literally wiped me out after 5 minutes. Pretty sad. But, it felt good to get more physical.

I'm looking forward to sharing my website redesign with you but in the meanwhile I'm going to start posting again and pushing myself to do better. I'm still absolutely convinced that writing about this journey is helpful and feel as though a big reason for me falling off the wagon is that I stopped writing about it as it was happening. Time to get the virtual pen out again and get back at it.

I'd also like to get reintroduced to my fellow weight loss bloggers – anyone new out there that just started a blog yourself? Tell us about it in the comments!

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Ready to Start Again

I received a $200 gift card for Macy's that I've been holding on to for a couple of months until last night, when I finally spent a little time shopping for myself. There were a lot of half-off deals on clothing so my plan was to stock up on some new outfits. While I have a dozen pairs of pants hanging in my closet I've been reduced to wearing the last two that fit. When I had some weight loss success earlier I donated all of my "fat pants" thinking I wasn't going to be needing them again.

Wrong!

So I figured I'd be able to load up cheaply on some good quality clothing. I grew up shopping at Dayton's, which in some convoluted way that I can't remember is now effectively Macy's, and it was always a treat to buy clothing there. So I was excited, or at least excited as a normal guy can be, to load up on some good clothing to round out my wardrobe while I wait for whatever motivation I need to try to lose weight again.

As I started to browse the racks of the Men Store at Macy's I started to realize a problem – there were hardly any size XL anything, only a smattering of XXL and forget about finding any XXXL, the size that I really need. I can fit into most XXLs but the problem comes after washing where all it takes is a little shrinkage and my Polo Ralph Lauren shirt would become a rag.

I took a look at the dress shirts where I require a 19/34/35 – only to find that their largest size was 18.5/34/35. So close but that extra half inch makes all the difference.

Not wanting to take a chance on some shirts that wouldn't quite fit I started looking at pants. They had a ton of pants on sale at great prices, but after trying a few pair on I was bummed to see that I was going to need a 42/30 size and there wasn't a pair I tried on that I liked. For one thing almost everything had front pleats, and I've learned that is just not a look a fat guy should be going with.

In the end my trip to the Men's Store at Macy's netted me a new belt and some socks.

So what does a fat guy do? Off to the kitchen store where I bought an All-Clad Stainless 11" French Skillet (darn, I just noticed it is $10 cheaper on Amazon) and a Wusthof Trident Classic 5" Tomato Knife ($20 cheaper at Amazon, drat!).

I rounded out my shopping buying a memory foam pillow that I am hoping will aid my sleeping with the CPAP machine I've been struggling to use (another post for later there).

So that's how a fat guy blows $200 on clothes at Macy's – a belt, socks and some other non-clothes stuff. So many nice looking clothes I couldn't even try on. Really depressing. Almost depressing enough to do something about it. I hope.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

How a Fat Guy Shops at Macy's

I did something today that I am pretty proud of. It isn't on the scale of the two mile run I did back in January, but considering where I have been lately in terms of exercising, it was pretty good.

I'm back on the couch to 5k training program, starting back at week 4. Last week I did one day of cardio and I almost made it through the first day of the week 4 program then, but in the last 5 minute run my heart rate just got too high and I had to walk it off.

Yesterday the same thing – I did day one of week 4 again and had to start walking during the last 5 minute run. But today I did cardio again (I am trying to run every day this week) and I slogged through the whole day as described in the plan. My heart rate peaked at 172, which is pretty high considering that my maximum heart rate is supposed to be 178, but I pushed through and made it.

I know there is absolutely no way I could run for two miles right now like I did back in January when I was also on week 4, so that kind of bums me out, but I am not worrying about that and focusing on the positives – I've run for two days straight and I completed the full day like I set out to do.

As an aside, one thing that is worrying me right now is my right knee. Ever since coaching soccer this summer it has been sore from kicking the soccer ball – I'm sure because pressure was exerted in places where it normally wouldn't be – and I'm not doing it any favors by coaching again this winter. So I have been kind of hobbling around lately, which is a bummer. But, I don't really notice it on the treadmill so hopefully I can continue with my cardio plans for the week.

I guess I'll also mention that I've eaten pretty well so far this week – I've avoided the major binges, stayed away from the Halloween candy and I've had some whey protein shakes as meal substitutes for lunch. I just ate a big late night snack which I am regretting, however. Remember how you feel right now John so you don't do that again!

All in all, I feel pretty good about the week so far. Hoping the results are there.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Knocking Out Some Cardio

I've managed to stay away from politics on this site that is supposed to be a weight loss blog, but given the events of this week I just can't ignore this post from Mark Cuban, who echoes my own sentiment (except that I voted all Democratic this year, something I haven't done in a long time. I just had to vote against Michele Bachmann, for example). I'm hoping the McCain supporters in my readership can forgive this one slip and stay subscribed.

Here is Mark:

I voted for President Elect Obama.

The rest of my votes went almost exclusively to Republicans , Libertarians and Independents.

In looking at the Democratic platform, there are a few things I agree with, but on the economic side, other than being ok with him raising my effective tax rate to 40pct, there isn’t a lot of his economic policy that I do agree with him on. So why did I vote for him ?

Its simple. Having an elected black President will do more to energize this country than any economic or social policy ever could. In a single day of voting, our amazing country once again reinvigorated the dream that any child in this country, no matter what circumstances they are born into, can grow up to be anything they want, including President of the United States.

That dream, staying viable, being reinvigorated, will do more for this country than any economic policy or any legislation that could ever be passed.

I have said it before, the power of the American Spirit is what separates our country from every other. We have been able to overcome the stupidity that politicians do every year, and will do for ever more. The election of Barack Obama is a shot of adrenaline for those who felt they could never participate in the American Dream.

How do you stimulate and turn around the economy in this day and age ? Motivate those who in the past couldn’t , wouldn’t or didn’t, into those who can and do. Motivate those who can and do, to continue to innovate and increase productivity.

As any successful CEO will tell you, leadership, vision and motivation has far more impact on results than any tax cut or increase. While I prefer lower taxes, I can tell you that no entrepreneur or CEO worth a damn in this country gives up or works less because of a change in tax policy. In this country you work harder to achieve your dreams and goals.

I can honestly say that I never thought that I would see a black President in my lifetime. I’m incredibly proud and excited to be part of this moment in our history. I believe that the election of President Obama will energize many, many more of our fellow citizens to work harder to achieve our goals.

I’m Bullish on America.

I too am bullish on America.

I don't understand how almost half of our citizens could have in good conscious voted for John McCain & Sarah Palin but I respect their right to do so.

I don't understand why when you search for Barack Obama on Google that the number one suggested related search is Barack Obama birth certificate, but I respect your right to question his birth place. At least he wasn't born in Panama.

I don't understand all of the people that only think "black preacher" when they listen to Obama speak, and I certainly don't understand how people can be an American without supporting their president.

Whether you agree with the war or not, you must support our troops without condition and I believe you must do the same with our leader. I really dislike George Bush, despite voting for him once, but if he needed me to do something I would do it.

That's what Proud Americans do.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Proud To Be an American

I am NOT a stress eater. I am NOT a stress eater. I am NOT a stress eater.

It's important for me to reiterate that positive thought because frankly, I am a stress eater but I've got to stop it. I got some bad news today that has caused me stress and my initial reaction was to seek solace with some greasy food at McDonald's. I fought against that, and had a modest lunch. However, I did take the family out to dinner and I went against my initial thoughts of a salad and I ordered a bowl of Chicken Tortilla soup and the Chicken Saltimbocca. Not to mention two margaritas and some dessert.

OK, one night isn't going to kill me. I think I know what I am doing, and I think that tonight's outing was a normal reaction that won't be a big deal if it isn't repeated. I can't sit around wallowing in stress (and Oreos*) however.

So if I am telling myself that I am not a stress eater then what exactly am I? Why a Stress Exerciser of course! I did lower body strength training this morning, and I'm set for upper body tomorrow as well as jumping back into the Couch to 5k program on my treadmill.

I'm gonna sweat this stress out of me!

* – On a funny note, "Oreo" was the answer to clue 1 Across in today's New York Times Crossword Puzzle. The funny thing is, I didn't get it right away and because of the way I solve crosswords, I ended up writing that answer as my last answer to finish the puzzle. I can't get away from the damn things!

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

I am NOT a Stress Eater

Seinfeld was famous for being "The show about nothing" and it's time for this weight loss blog to take the same approach. Now I know what you are thinking, and it's "But John, you haven't been posting at all – this already is a weight loss blog about nothing!" and frankly you wouldn't be far from the truth, but that isn't what I mean.

Part of what has been holding me back from posting on here is that I don't feel like I have anything to say. As in success, as in making good decisions, etc. But then the weeks go by and I lose touch with the audience that has certainly helped me in the last year. As I thought back to my first year of blogging on this blog I remembered that a lot of my posts were truly just describing the decisions I made during the day as it pertained to food and exercise. Let's face it, we all make a lot of choices throughout the day and examining how we make those choices can help us (and you) with where we want to go.

So while it may seem when thinking about it to be all about nothing, I think once I put pen to paper (as it were) that what will come out will be thoughts that might actually help.

Take today for example. I've been trying to follow my health scorecard and I've had limited success. For one thing I will say my dentist will be happy with me! So I made sure I flossed, brushed my teeth and used mouthwash. I took my vitamins. I had a good breakfast, morning snack, lunch and afternoon snack. So far so good.

Then my wife called and said she wanted to go to Olive Garden for dinner. No problem, I thought, I can still eat OK there. I ordered an iced tea and their grilled salmon with vegetables. Only had one bread stick and a little salad. Still a bit too much but not bad. But then my son didn't like his half-order of Chicken Alfredo and the next thing you know the somewhat healthy (and half-eaten) fish and vegetables were in front of him and the Chicken Alfredo was staring back at me! And of course I wolfed it down, not having prepared for such a turn of events.

Drat!

Now as I finish the night I am not eating after 8:00pm and I will (there just did it to make sure) take care of my oral hygiene tonight, so other than dinner I think I did pretty good. Well, except I didn't break a sweat today. So far from perfect. But I think I did all right.

So that is what a weight loss blog about nothing consists of. That, and I'll try to highlight some of the new and old fellow fat bloggers I read these days, interesting products, etc.

Oh, and next week my wife and I are going to Playa del Carmen for 5 days at an all-inclusive resort. Now that is going to be a challenge!

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

A Weight Loss Blog About Nothing

Amy,

Do you remember back in January when we were talking about the weight I had lost and you asked me what was making the biggest difference in my success? What I told you was, to put it simply, eating less and exercising more.

But there was something I didn't tell you.

Since August of last year, almost a year ago now, I started this weight loss blog as a way to document my Journey from Fat to Fit. I was pretty confident that being public and open about my struggles with weight loss would help me in being successful when I have failed so many times before. Remember a few years ago when I went on Atkins and lost about 40 pounds? Next thing you know it was all back and more. I really wanted this time to be different.

But I was afraid it wouldn't work. And I was afraid that if I told people I knew "in the real world" about this blog, like you, that when it didn't work out and when I didn't lose the weight, that I would feel like an even bigger failure.

So what I expected to happened was that it either worked, or it didn't. If it didn't work then I would erase the blog, and just move forward as though nothing happened and just wait for my next effort. But if it worked, of course I would tell you so that we could celebrate my success together.

That night after we talked about what I was doing to be successful, I started writing this post. At the time I told myself that 259 would be a great milestone that would signal to me that my weight loss efforts were paying off, and that this blog, and being open and honest about everything, was a significant factor in why I was able to be successful. So, my plan was to hit 259 (just a few pounds more) and then celebrate by confirming this blog was going to be a permanent part of my life and than include you in that.

But then a funny thing happened, as it is happened before when I had weight loss success. It started to go the wrong way. I stopped eating less and I stopped exercising more, and in fact I stopped, or at least significantly decreased, my posting here.

But no more. I'm back on the plan and even though I haven't hit that 259 milestone I had hoped to hit before I acknowledged this blog was working, I am now ready to tell you about it. I was prepared to do this back in March when I wrote a post called 9 Tips for Kick-Starting you Dormant Weight Loss Blog where I offered this tip:

Tell someone about your blog. Still blogging anonymously? Tell someone in the “real world” about your blog and your weight loss journey, and ask that they support you. It’s too easy to disappear off the face of the blogging planet if you nobody in your life knows about your weight loss blog.

But then days turned into weeks and into months, and here it is July and I am still nowhere near my low weight and I am only just getting around to telling you about this part of my life.

I'm sorry to have kept this from you, and I hope you will forgive me.

Let's go on more walks.

Love, John

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

In Which I Tell My Wife About My Weight Loss Blog

The last month I have been extra busy at work with a lot of writing that caused me to have no interest in writing in my personal life. And I've strayed significantly from my diet and exercise plan. I've updated the charts today and they are not pretty. I am particularly disappointed in my waist measurement. As we are going to my parent's today for Father's Day (not to mention my birthday) it promises to be another challenging feast. I'm not up for moderation right now. Then I'm going to Vegas next week so it promises to only get worse. The good news for me is the only thing I drink when I am in Vegas is water and coffee so maybe I can find a way to stay away from the buffets.

So I'm gaining weight and inches, I'm not exercising and I'm stressed. All bad combinations but I actually feel pretty good this morning. Why? Because despite all of this bad news here I am writing about it.

That gives me hope.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Weightloss Struggles Continue

I kicked off the first day of my first full week back in the weight loss program saddle with a 30 minute cardio session before work. Since I usually leave for work before 6:00am that means I got up early and hit the treadmill for 30 minutes. That's a good sign of my renewed committment.

Another good sign for me was I had no problem handling the first day of Week 6 of the Couch to 5k plan. That is where I was at before my hiatus, but I had suspected that coming back after a month long break from running would cause me to take a step or two back. Instead, I was able to plow through the session with my heart rate exceeding 160 only a couple of times. The highest I saw was 167. I'm still not happy with my pace (12:45 minute mile) and have a goal of getting that moved up to a 10:00 pace over the next couple of months.

After I got home from work I put in a strength training session, which really felt good. It's been a month away from the weights as well.

Finally, on the diet side I had a good day. I had a small portion of leftover Egg Bake and a glass of water for breakfast, a decaf coffee and a banana for a mid-morning snack, a Burrito Bol (with no dairy) at Chipotle for lunch, a banana and some almonds for an afternoon snack, and a Slim Fast shake for dinner. I'm sipping on some late night decaf and I feel very satisfied.

All in all, a good start to the week.

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A Good Start to the Week

About a month ago I decided to start my own weight loss forums. When I announced them I did so with the best of intentions. I hadn't found another forum I felt at home at so I figured, why not start my own? Literally within a couple days of running the forum I had one possible answer. It can be a lot of work! I didn't realize it at the time but I was already teetering at the brink of being overwhelmed and the forums simply put me over the edge. Within a week of starting them I was ignoring my blog (the entire blogosphere for that matter) and my new forums.

Really bad timing for a depression. Launch a new product, and then whammo!

I can't recall ever feeling this way before, but I was literally afraid every day of going to look at the forums I had abandoned so soon. And so I didn't. Weeks went by and never once did I stop in to at least see what was going on. I just couldn't do it. I was totally overwhelmed and I wasn't about to take a look at that train wreck.

After I picked myself up yesterday with my post 9 Tips For Kick-Starting Your Dormant Weight Loss Blog I logged into my weight loss forums for the first time and was really surprised and happy to see that there was a lot of great stories and interactions that had been taking place without me. And with no prompting from me, three of my readers really stepped it up and participated more than everyone, really acting as unofficial moderators in my stead.

I was prepared yesterday to shut the forums down. However, reading the stories and seeing the effort of these three made me realize this is something worth continuing. It's a work in progress to be sure, but I am committed to making it work.

So I would like to publicly thank Jan, from Just a Mom, That's More Than Enough, Andrew, from Andrew is getting fit and Cammy from The Tippy Toe Diet.

These three truly embody the spirit of the weight loss blogger community, and I truly thank them for their help.

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The Weight Loss Forums – Special Thanks

So you read 4 Reasons You Should Be Writing a Weight Loss Blog and decided to start one yourself. You got on an exercise and diet plan that was really working. But then you got stuck in a plateau and started getting frustrated. The expectations you put on yourself in following your exercise and eating routines, in finding interesting things to write about and in contributing to helping others with their own journeys through comments, started to take a toll and you started to feel overwhelmed. Work and life issues didn't help.

My friends, that's pretty much what I have been dealing with.

Here are 9 tips that I used to bust out of this rut:

1. Read your blog. If you are like me and if you have followed my advice, you have been honest in your blog and you have written about both the ups and the downs. Go back through your archives and remember key points on your journey. Pay particular attention to that first month. Think about how much better you feel now, and reflect on how your weight loss blog has helped get you to where you are. Read the comments. Think about all of the people who have taken the time to offer you support over your journey.
2. Clean out your Inbox. If you are feeling overwhelmed you need to attack the clutter. Your email Inbox is undoubtedly filled with old messages you had planned to one day to respond to. Either respond to them or just delete them. Do whatever it takes to get your Inbox empty.
3. Mark all of your RSS feeds as read. I do not mean read them all, I mean mark them all as read. This is more clutter and you need to start with a clean slate. Sure you may miss a ton of cool stuff but if it truly is that good you will see it again soon – either linked to by someone else or in a future "best of" post by the author. The world will continue on if you miss a bunch of good content. There is always going to be a steady stream of new content for you to digest, don't worry.
4. Address whatever else was causing you to be overwhelmed. In my case one thing that was causing me to feel overwhelmed was my newly introduced weight loss forums. I realized very quickly a forum is a lot of work. I wasn't prepared for that. I need to either decide to shut them down or give them the energy they deserve. Figure out what is burdening you and put a plan in place to address it.
5. Tell someone about your blog. Still blogging anonymously? Tell someone in the "real world" about your blog and your weight loss journey, and ask that they support you. It's too easy to disappear off the face of the blogging planet if you nobody in your life knows about your weight loss blog.
6. Re-evaluate your goals. Go through all of your short and long term goals and make sure they are the right goals and achievable. Make whatever adjustments are necessary and commit to making the appropriate changes to meet your goals.
7. Start exercising and eating right again. Good for you if you have maintained your exercising and good eating habits during your rut, but I'll bet you didn't. You need to get back on that horse today, cowboy!
8. Write a post. Get started writing again. Kind of like I am here. Do not preface your post with "I am so sorry I haven't been posting…" I hate that. We all go through ruts. Just get back up and start posting honest content on your blog. That's what your readers want, not a bunch of apologies.
9. Visit other sites. As I have not been keeping up writing my own blog I have not been keeping up in reading yours. If you have been following my tips you have already marked all of your RSS feeds as read but now I am telling you to hit the blog pavement and go touch all of the blogs in your blogroll. Post as many comments as you can. This is your coming out party! You are back, baby.

In a blog rut? Give these tips a try and if you do, let me know how they worked out for you!

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

9 Tips For Kick-Starting Your Dormant Weight Loss Blog

In case you didn't notice (and I wouldn't doubt that you didn't – there are so many more sites to read) I took last week off.  From my diet, from exercise and from this blog.  My head just wasn't in the right spot and I needed to get it set straight.  The interesting thing is that until the weekend I did OK – I actually weighed in on Friday at 263, which is where I had been at for a couple of weeks.  But then came the weekend and too much of a little bit of everything, and I checked in this morning at 266.  So I have some work to do this week.

I'll justify my time off by saying that I learned a few things.  Or at least was reminded of some.  For one, I hate the way I feel in the morning after I snack late at night, particularly with sweets.  I had a big piece of chocolate cake late last night and this morning I just feel like crap.  I remember feeling this way a lot before August, when I started this journey, and I have to use this as a firm reminder that I don't want to feel that way.  It's like I am hungover without the benefits of all the fun.

I was also reminded about how helpful writing all of this down has been for me.  It's really easy to fall off the wagon, and if I didn't force myself to come back here writing again it would be that much easier to do the same for my diet.  This blog is an important tool in my weight loss journey and I have to remember that.

I started the weekend off well, going skiing with my son.  Well, maybe not so well – a big breakfast at Burger King before hitting the slopes.  Which I justified by saying I was going to burn it all off.  But then I ate a lot that afternoon, because I felt ravenous after all that exercise.  Which I justified by saying I deserved it, and besides I had burned it all off.  But obviously I only burned off so much, and while skiing is great exercise it isn't going to do wonders with 2 croissant and sausage sandwiches, half a garbage pizza and a deep fried taco.  And a couple of beers.  And who knows what else.

So, a bit of a planned slide, and I start the week in not too deep of a hole.

I'm back!

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Getting Back Into It

I've written before how in 2001 I lost 40 pounds on Atkins and how good it felt to get compliments from people about my weight loss.  For some reason I can't explain, shortly after I started getting the compliments I went on a weight gain slide that lasted until this last August when I started this journey from fat to fit.

This time I am determined to get those compliments and to use them as motivation to work even harder, so as not to fall into the same trap as last time.

I feel like I am within a few months of getting unbiased compliments about my weight loss.  What do I mean by unbiased?  Well, after I had lost about 15 pounds my boss asked me if I had lost weight.  When I responded affirmatively, he said, "I can tell."  While that was good to hear it wasn't the compliment I was looking for.  He knew I had been exercising so I believe he asked the question based on that knowledge, not on any observation of my size.  Hell, I have a hard enough time seeing it now that I have lost 28 pounds – 15 was nothing.

This week I got a little closer, but still not quite.  My wife told me that one of her neighbor friends said it looked like I had lost weight.  Now on the face of it that would seem pretty close to what I'm looking for, yet I can't help but think that comment was biased as well.  I had been at the kids' bus stop with her and another neighbor who knows I have been working out.  He asked me, within her earshot, if I had still been working out (he's a runner and it had come up in conversations).  So I'm not accepting that as a compliment either.

I'm still looking for that unbiased, "Hey John, you look great.  What have you been doing to lose the weight?" kind of compliment.

I'm getting closer.

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Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Still Looking For That First Compliment

As I suspected, this has been a tough week.  Went to my parents for a party Sunday night and did not do well on the eating front.  I had a 6:00am flight Monday morning and I did lift weights before that, so that was good.  But then after a half-day meeting we had dinner and drinks and I had too much of both, although for my main dish I did have a portobello mushroom burger and since we were at a BBQ place I could have been way worse.  Tuesday was an all day meeting with continental breakfast, catered lunch and dinner at a Chinese/Thai place and once again I did poorly.  I have not yet learned how to conquer these situations.

I'm not going to get on the scale until my official weigh-in on Sunday and I am going to work extra hard between today and then to make sure my goal for the week, which is 1 pound lost, is still met.  I really don't want to go backwards after last week's great loss. 

But you know what?  It feels really good to know I can be bad like I have but I don't feel the least bit guilty.  I just know I have to work really hard, and it may take more than a week.  And I am OK with that. 

That feels really healthy.

Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Midweek Review

There is a fine line between success and failure.  I've had many days where I was "good" all day and then inexplicably binged at night, throwing away all of my hard work.  Understanding why I let that happen is going to be key to my not letting it happen in the future.

So I am going to try to write about my failures.

When I started this blog I had a few ideas for what I was going to write about and I knew that one of the things I wanted to stay very clear of is a "woe is me" tone.  I refuse to let myself get to that point and if I ever come across that way please slap me silly.  So I am writing about my mistakes, my bads, my slips, because I want to learn from them, not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me.  Writing about my mistakes locks them into my brain as well as immortalizing them for eternity, or at least a long time.

I hope that some of you may recognize yourself in my stories and take action with me to combat these issues that prevent us all from being the person we want to be.  Here is something that happened to me this week.  I wish I could explain it.

I had a great day.  Worked out in the morning, had a light breakfast and drank a lot of water throughout the day.  A modest lunch.  I had dinner with my family at Applebees and rather than go for one of the salads I stuck to a cup of soup and an entree from their Weight Watchers menu.  Tasted good (well as good as an Applebees can taste).  I wasn't hungry all day and other than a few pieces of gum to chew on between meals nothing went into my maw but good food. 

After dinner we went to see The Gameplan (good family movie despite what the reviewers say!) and while the kids got candy and a small popcorn to split with my wife I stuck to a bottle of water.  I know the evils of movie theatre popcorn.  As we were sitting in the theatre prior to the previews starting I felt really good about my decisions in the theatre and the day as a whole.  Nothing feels better to know that you have withstood challenges like eating in a restaurant and sitting in a movie theatre.

Then my daughter spilled the small popcorn.  I offered to go get a refill, because that is what dads do.  What this dad also did was notice there were a few kernels left and eat them.  And then proceed to replace the small popcorn not with a refill but with a medium popcorn.  Buttered.  And before I knew it I was sitting back down eating something that tastes like crap and I know is no good for me.  Yeah, that's right – it wasn't my daughter's popcorn anymore, it wsa mine.  Although I did let her have a few bites.

I don't understand it, but I don't let it get me down.  I had a good day and I recognize my failing, which is half the battle.  I need to do better next time if I am going to end up on the right side of success or failure.

Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Need To Do Better

I've had a draft post queued up for awhile now regarding my new drivers license, and PastaQueen's Looking good under fluorescent lights has prompted me to write about it.  First though, go read her story.  She has a before and after picture of her drivers licenses that are amazing.

I managed to lose my drivers license at the end of July.  I am quite sure it is around the house somewhere because I remember having it in my shirt pocket at one point and then I forgot about it for a couple of days.   I checked the laundry, the couches, etc but nothing has turned up. 

I started this blog at 295 pounds on August 1st.  My license said 270 which was actually my weight when I had last renewed, so I was honest.  The DMV stores your picture on file so I didn't have to take a new picture but they did ask me to complete the form with the info including eye color, height and weight.  Even though my weight had dropped to 292 (big loss, eh?) I still wrote down 295.  I wanted that drivers license to represent my starting point.

Because I lost the license I still have to renew on my normal schedule, which is next summer.  I'll weigh myself that morning and be 100% honest when I complete the form.  I'm not going to speculate what my weight will be then but if all goes to plan I should be half way to goal or so.  I am really looking forward to getting my license renewed!  Crazy, I know.

Maybe I'll surprise myself and have a story like PastaQueen's by then.

Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

New Drivers License

Has this ever happened to you?

You are fat.  You know you need to lose weight.  And you think about this a lot.  Often times you think about it while in the car.  On your way to a restaurant, perhaps.  As you drive you start by thinking about how good you have been lately at this particular restaurant, let's call it Bruegger's, where for lunch you used to have 2 salt bagels with jalapeno cream cheese and cucumbers, a bowl of soup and a large chocolate chip cookie.  Over the last month you have whittled your habit down to 1 salt bagel with jalapeno cream cheese and cucumbers, a cup of soup and a single small chocolate caramel.  You are this close to getting rid of the chocolate caramel as well.

As you think about this food you realize you are hungry.  You had a healthy breakfast of a banana and a Kind Fruit & Nut Bar.  But now you are hungry.  You don't like being hungry.  You are about 5 minutes still from stopping when you start to rationalize why it would be OK to have that extra bagel sandwich (all 400 calories of it).  You had a light breakfast, you tell yourself.  You deserve that extra sandwich, you tell yourself.  You tell yourself how good you have been lately, even though it isn't totally true.

Then you shake yourself out of it and think about maybe just having a bowl of soup instead of a cup.  At some point during this thinking about having been good so far, being hungry, and being close to eating you end up giving in and going back to the old standby – 2 bagel sandwiches, a bowl of soup and what the hell you already screwed up so might as well have the cookie too.

It's happened to me far too many times.

Friends, I am happy to report that while I had those feelings yesterday I was able to squash them by the time I got out of my car, where I resolved I would have my new normal meal and no more.  What I remembered as I was going through these mental gymnastics was what I had written here before about finding that even though I had significantly decreased the amount I was eating at lunch that I found myself still satisfied after the meal.  I remembered what I wrote.  I knew I was hungry but I also knew that I wasn't going to be after I ate, whether I had 2 bagel sandwiches or 1.

Unless you are fighting this fight you have no idea how good it feels to know you conquered a small section of the mental mountain that is the journey from fat to fit.

Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Conquering a Small Section of the Mental Mountain

I'm out of town on business Thursday and Friday, my first travel since I started this journey at the start of this month.  This is actually a very light travel month for me, so I was glad to get the opportunity to try out my new found resolve.

The results have been so-so.  One thing I did well was that I planned my strength training around this trip so that I would not miss a day – this Saturday will mark two straight weeks of sticking to my strength training plan.

When I'm out of town for work my night routines are pretty much the same.  I'm either out drinking and eating with a group from work or more likely I am back in the hotel room having room service.  I'll usually work late, until 6 or 7 maybe, walk back to the hotel, change into sweats and order up dinner while I relax with a little television.  I've traveled approximately 350,000 miles the last six years so I've gone through this routine quite a bit.

Prior to leaving for this trip I resolved to do better.  I brought a few Kind Fruit & Nut Bars with me which was the first tip in Jason's Diet tips for business travellers.  Last night I worked until 7 and got back to the hotel about 7:30.  I had been up since 4:30 and knew I was going to be going to bed early, probably within a couple of hours.  I was not really all that hungry having had a fruit bar at about 5:00.  Yet I instinctively reached for the room service menu.  And while I was moderately good, ordering a bowl of soup and a light sandwich, I wolfed it down quickly and was asleep within 90 minutes.

I didn't need that food – I was not even close to really hungry.  I should have had a bottle of water, brushed my teeth and got under the sheets.  I didn't do that because I have a habit that I let get the best of me.  I'm hoping by acknowledging the monster that I'll slay him next time. 

Post from: John Is Fit - Personal Weight Loss Blog

Habits are hard to break